Shitscale the Brave
by King of the Chode
Summary: Follow Shitscale the Argonian as he makes his way across Cyrodil in search of love and fortune.
1. The Adventure Begins

**Shitscale the Brave**

It was all over. I was finally through those wretched sewers and away from the dickbag 'Blades'. At least the idiots had trusted me with the Amulet of Kings. _The second I get to a town, I'm going to sell that piece of shit,_ I thought. I was an average height Argonian with brown scales and a musky odor that resembled dead skunk ass and day old Khajiit genitals. I wasn't a very social Argonian and I definitely wasn't an attractive one either, so making friends was always hard for me. I always had to take what I wanted; I was never given anything. That's why I was in prison in the first place. I had taken a woman's child to pleasure himself. After I was done with the child, the guards burst in and beat me upside the head with a morning star, leaving several deep craters in the my cranium, not to mention severe brain damage. In the court trial, my attourney had told him to admit to the crime so that my sentence would be lessened. It didn't work at all and I was sentenced to a life in prison as well as daily beating from the guards just because I was an Argonian. On top of that punishment, that disgusting Dark Elf that lived across from me raped me any time that I acutally took a shower, which was twice the entire 6 years I was there. Thank Azura that the emperor was a senile old fuck and thought I was part of some prophecy. If he had taken 5 seconds to look at the prisoner log sheets, he would have seen that I was a low-life convicted child molestor and serial killer. Now I was a free lizard, and I had some stupid necklace that might actually fetch a good price. I opened my map to see where I should head next. I was extremely close to the Imperial City, which wasn't good, considering that someone was bound to recognize me and then I'd be killed for breaking out, even thought it wasn't my fault. So the next closest town was a small village in the mountains called "Bruma". Normally an Argonian wouldn't want to live in the mountains because of the cold weather and lack of swamp beasts to eat for nutrition, but I didn't exactly have a choice. I set out with my dagger in hand, towards Bruma. The first thing I saw along the way, were some ruins, so I decided to take a look around and saw a bandit trying to shoot and apple off of a crate. _Mmm that apple looks pretty tasty _I thought, drooling Argonian slober all over my prison attire. I came up with a genius plan to sneak up and grab the apple for dinner. I set my plan into action by throwing a large rock into the water nearby, then making a run for the apple, hoping the bandit was distracted. Turns out he wasn't and he immediately shot me right through my rib cage. I screamed in pain but managed to grab the apple. Then I ran like the wind into the nearby ruins closing the door on the bandit and sealing myself inside. I knew that I had to pull this arrow out because it was dripping with poison. _Damn he must have seen me before I threw that rock if he managed to poison his arrow!_ I thought. I grabbed the arrow and yanked as hard as I could. The arrow came out along with a random organ. Panicking, I shoved the organ into my mouth and swallowed, hoping it would find it's way back to it's rightful place. Then I looked down at my prize in amazement. It was a small shriveled up red apple, half rotting and festering with worms and various other bugs. _This is better than I thought! _ I ate the perfect apple in one bite, and began looking for a way out of the ruins. I saw a crack in the ruins on the far side of the room and squeezed my way out. I felt extremely weak thanks to the poison on the arrow, but that nutrition-packed apple seemed to help. After many cuts and scrapes later, I was finally out. The second I got out, I felt a sharp pain in my back and realized the bandit was waiting for me! I whipped out my dagger, turned around, threw it as hard as I could... and missed horribly. _I'm fucked!_ Then just as the bandits was about to shoot another arrow into my head, he dropped dead. I couldn't figure out what had happened until an attractive man on a horse road up and dismounted. The heroic man-beast walked up to me and shook my hand saying, "Hi. My name is Ongar the World Weary! I see you got some hot property..." He was pointing at the Amulet of Kings.

"Would you be interested in buying it?" I asked him.

"Depends on where you got it." he replied in a flirtatious voice.

"I got it from the Emperor. He was killed by assassins and the idiot seemed to think I was some 'chosen hero' and gave it to me before he died. I was going to sell it when I got to Bruma." I explained.

"Well it's a good thing you found me first. Normally you'd be executed if you were found with that in your possesion. But I'm used to dealing in hot propery, so I might be able to pull some strings." Ongar told me.

"How much do you think it's worth?" I asked the mysterious man.

"Why don't you come back to my place so we can discuss a price?" Ongar said while winking at me.

At this point I had a massive, scaly erection and I'm sure Ongar could see. He just hopped on his horse and invited me on. I hopped up with him and was sure he could feel my 8 inch Argonian cock poking into his back. We rode through a forest and up a mountain for about 4 hours before we reached Bruma. Bruma was a small city compared to the others, but that doesn't mean that it isn't big. Compared to the ass-shacks that people in Black Marsh considered a 'city' this was amazing. As we came through the front gates, I tried to hide my face from the guards, hoping that they wouldn't recognize me. Luckily we made it though without any confrontation and began making our way to Ongar's house. His house could only be described in one way: shit shack. It reminded me a lot of Black Marsh, from it's size, to the material, to the smell of ass and dead things coming from the front door. It was beautiful. Ongar took me inside and asked to see the amulet. I handed it to him and he began studying it closely. After a couple of minutes, Ongar told me that he could give me 25 gold for it.

"WHAT! ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?" I screamed at him. "This is the fucking Amulet of Kings!"

"You didn't let me finish... I'll give you 25 gold and you get to have sex with me." Ongar said while pulling down his pants to expose his 9 inch fleshy Nord chode. I had to think about this. On one hand I had 25 gold and good Nord sex. On the other, was about 150,000 gold.

"I'll take the 25 gold and sex." I told him as I dropped my own pants to reveal my scaly suprise. Ongar grabbed my dick with his hands and began sucking until he was satisfied.

"That's good cock!" he told me. Then we both stripped down and moved to his bed. I stuck my dick in Ongar's ass and came 5 seconds later.

"Well so much for the amazing Nord sex..." I muttered while handing the amulet to Ongar.

"Thanks." he said while handing me a bag with 25 gold in it. After that, Ongar kicked me out of his house and called the guards. I quickly slipped a lockpick up my ass, knowing what was about to happen. One of the guards came running and bashed me in the head with another morning star...

I woke up to the sound of a man having sex. I looked up and saw a well built man making love to a breadloaf. "Hello?" I said. He looked up from his loaf and looked me dead in the eye.

"Hey. We got one rule in here and one rule only: Don't touch my loaf." he said in a very serious voice.

"Okay." I replied. I looked around my cell and saw that it had two crates, a barrel, and two bedmats. I got up and looked out the bars to see a completely unguarded room. "Hey do they have any guards in here?" I asked.

"Not normally, no. Hey what's your name? Mine's Journdr." he said in a friendly tone.

"My name is Shitscale the Brave." I replied.

"That name is fucking disgusting." he told me.

"I was named after my father, and my father's father." I said, insulted.

"I don't give a fuck." he said, getting back to his loaf. _This guy is awesome! _I thought to myself. _Wait a minute! My lockpick!_ I then shoved my hand up my ass and pulled out a lockpick.

"Nice!" said Journdr.

"We're breaking out of here." I quickly told him. Then I got into position and picked the lock on the door, thus breaking us out. Once out me and Journdr tried to find some weapons to defend ourselves. I found an iron mace and Journdr found an iron bow and some arrows. We headed through the first door and found a guard sleeping on the job. I nodded at Journdr and he began trying to have sex with the guards mouth. "That's not what I meant!" I yelled at him, then beat the guard in the head until he died. I saw a chest and picked the lock and found an iron dildo and my 25 gold.

"That's where they put that baby," said Journdr, slipping the dildo into an unseen pocket. We then silently opened the next door and saw about 30 sleeping guards. After we snuck past them we made our way out of the dungeon and into the main chamber of the castle. I looked to the left and saw the exit to the castle. "Let's go," Journdr whispered. We moved out of the shadows and began hugging the wall until we saw two guards having a conversation.

"You shoot one and I'll attack the other," I whispered to Journdr. Journdr fired an arrow directly into the guards skull, killing him. I charged out with my mace, catching the guard off-guard and beat his skull to a bloody pulp. "Let's go!" I called to my new friend. Once out, Journdr told me he had some business to take care of, and headed off towards the inn. I instead began making my way to Ongar's house: I had a score to settle.


	2. Tieing Up Loose Ends

**Shitscale the Brave: Chapter 2**

**Shitscale's POV**

Before setting out to inact revenge upon Ongar for betraying and basically robbing me, I thought it would be a good idea to buy some supplies first. I headed over to Nordwinds to spend the 25 gold I got from Ongar. The shop keeper was a large, ugly man almost twice the size of me, and smelled as musky if not muskier than me. "Hello, kind sir." I greeted him.

"Fuck off," the bitter man replied. Ignoring his comment, I began looking around the shop in search of supplies. I found a steel sword, a healing potion, and some rotten looking meat. Placing the items on the counter the man began adding them up. "That'll be 23 gold," he said. I handed him the money and left the disgusting man to do whatever it is that he does. On the way out I managed to grab a rusty looking iron dagger and slip it in my pocket. _Perfect for what I want to do to Ongar,_ I thought. On my way out I saw a guard and slipped into one of the many alleys and crouched down. After the guard had passed I emerged from my hiding place and began making my way to Ongar's little ass shack at the far end of town. As I made my way over, a drunk Nord stumbled into me and began yelling about kicking my ass. Knowing that he was obviously stronger than me, I grabbed my rusty dagger and plunged it into his tiny Nord brain, killing him instantly. I wiped the blood off my dagger and kept walking, hoping that no one had seen what I had done. Luckily nobody had, so I pulled out my rotten meat and ate it. It tasted like disease and shit, a lot like the meat we had back home. Once done with my meal I washed it down with the healing potion which restored all of my energy. After another 15 minutes of sneaking around town I saw Ongar's nasty little house. Hoping that Ongar was true to his name, I snuck into his house and found the old fuck asleep in his bed, and reeking of alcohol. _Pefect_, I thought. I snuck up on his sleeping body, then mounted him and began beating him in the face with my grimy shitstained fists. I started beating him senseless, until he finally woke up and started yelling something about being raped, so I put my hand over his mouth and proceeded to slit his muscular neck. He bled out in a matter of seconds, but his body was still warm, so I decided to pleasure myself. I pounded his dead Nord ass for a good half hour before unleashing my gargantuan load all inside his pulverized booty hole. I stole back the Amulet of Kings along with several gemstones and some food for the jouney ahead. Once I had gathered everything I needed, I set his shit-shack on fire and left. I ran to the alleyway closest to me and found Journdr waiting for me.

"Let's get out of here," he said.

**Journdr's POV**

After parting ways with that Argonian that reeked of dick and garlic, I thought it would be a good idea to get a drink at the pub before I did the dark deed set out before me. I had to sneak past 6 guards, but I finally made it to Olav's Tap and Tack. I walked inside and looked around for any spare alcohol. I spotted a bottle of mead on the table nearest the inn rooms and went to grab it, when a scrawny Imperial picked it up and tried to drink it. I say tried, because when he went to take a sip, I punch his faggot ass in the throat as hard as a Nord could possibly punch. The Imperial died on impact and I picked my prize from his lifeless hand. Everyone in the bar was cheering in excitement as I chugged the mead in one gulp, and threw the bottle at the wall. Once outside I turned left and found the house where I used to live with my wife, Alga. I fucking hate that whore. She turned me in over some fag I murdered for money back in the Imperial City. Now I was going to recover the stolen gold and beat that slut to death. I kicked the door down and found her in bed with a Redguard. "How the fuck did you get out of prison!" she screamed.

"Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of him," the Redguard said, while getting up to fight me. He swung at my head, but I grabbed his arm and twisted it backwards till I heard a satisfying *CRACK*. The greasy nigger cried out in pain as I threw him into the stove located at the right of the bed. Alga, realizing the one thing keeping her from an angry, drunken Nord was just thrown into her stove tried to make a break for it, but Journdr grabbed her by the hair and swung her in to the wall. He then started punching her in the head, while holding her against the wall.

"Where the fuck is my treasure, you nigger fucking whore!" Journdr screamed at his old wife.

"It's under a rock outside the north side of town! Don't kill me!" she begged. Journdr didn't say a word as he threw her into the stove along with her mate. Journdr saw smoke and knew that guards would be coming so he quickly ran into the nearest alley. He smelled cum and dead sardines, so he looked to where the smell was coming from, and there was Shitscale.

"Let's get out of here," he said.


	3. Horrors of the Past and Present

**Shitscale the Brave: Chapter 3**

Journdr and I crept our way through the dark alleyways of Bruma, until we could see the North exit. There were two guards on either side of the gate, so I told Journdr to shoot one while I rush the other. After Journdr had let his arrow fly, I rushed at the guard closest to us and brought my mace down upon his head. The gross man tried to fight back, but my blow seemed to have made him dizzy, because he was swinging at a tree, so I finished him off. The second the guards were dead, my Nord friend and I rushed through the gate. "Hey I need to look for something, keep watch." Journdr told me. I couldn't help but stare at his fine Nordic ass, as he ran over to some rocks and began looking around. He searched for a couple of minutes before he held up an old looking bag, that was about to burst filled with wonderous treasures and loot. Journdr was grinning from ear to ear as we made our way to a cave outside of town to plunder the bag of mysteries. Running around killing people and looting with Journdr reminded me of my days as a butt pirate, back in Black Marsh...

***Flashback***

_The sound of screams and moans of pleasure were filling the night air, as a ship of butt pirates docked in the port of a town called Buttreek. Butt pirates were everywhere you look, plundering the anus' of small children and men alike. The smell of garlic, dick, and shit became overwhelming as the night went on. I was the last one to unboard the ship, considering I was the lowest rank, closer to a sex slave than an actual member of the crew. I saw a small child trying to hide under the docks, but I dove in and sodomized the poor lad. After 30 seconds with my Argonian chode, he was dead, because, you see, Argonian chodes are packed with venom equilvilent to that of a grand daddy long legs. But it was not the vemon that killed this child, no. It was the gusto and power that I thrusted with that did him in, as I was trying to impress my captain into giving me a higher rank. When I turned to see if the captain had seen, I saw a green apple the size of a grapefruit, that looked like it had been in the sun for weeks, then soaked in the fecal matter of bugs and rodents. I had to have it. I charged for the divine piece of fruit, only to be stopped by none other than Captain Sheghtboot himself. "Draw your blade, Argonian scum," he snarled._

_"What? I'm your sex slave, Shitscale!" I called to him, hoping to quell the large Dwarven man-beast, but he would have none of it. He lunged at me with his rapier stabbing me in the head. Good thing I had a tough cranium. I thrust my wooden dagger into his stomach, completely shattering my dagger and leaving me open to an attack. He stabbed me three more times in the head, until I finally escaped to grab the apple. Right when I was about to grab the apple, he stabbed me in the head again. All the blood loss had made me light headed, but not enough to forget about the forbidden fruit of the anus in front of my eyes. I snatched it up, and devoured it right there. The Captian was furious that all the wounds to my head had not killed me so he began choking me, but I kicked him in the testicles as hard as I could, which wasn't very hard, either that or he had literally no genitals, because he didn't even flinch. Right when I was about to die from being choked, an arrow struck the Captian in his head, killing him. I turned around to see Abdul, my lover. Abdul was a Mexican from another land, who came to Black Marsh seeking love and fortune like myself. We met up at a tavern, had a few drinks, and ended up in eachother's arms the next morning. He hasn't left me since. "Thanks Abdul!" I called to him._

_"I would never let him ki-" Abdul was cut short as one of the larger pirates snuck up from behind and stabbed him through the chest with a scimitar._

_"NOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed charging at the large man, scratching him with my claws. I knew that I was too weak to even do damage, but I hoped that some of the diseases in my claws, like Hepititus A, B, and C, yellowtick, rockjoint, A.I.D.S, etc. would kill him in the long run. Before I could even touch the butt plundering man, he chopped off my hand with his scimitar, then grabbed me and threw me into the broiling valley below..._

***End Flashback***

Good times. I have no idea how I survived or grew my hand back, but I didn't exactly care. I really didn't even miss Abdul either. "Hey come on, Shitscale!" Journdr called from further up the road.

"How long was I reminiscing?" I called back.

"Six hours," he told me. _Wow I thought I was at least here for a week! _I thought. I caught up with Journdr and he lead me into a cave near the outskirts of town. As we entered the smell of dead babies and unwiped Argonian ass filled the air.

"Are you cooking something?" I asked him, licking my lips. "Smells good!"

"No. When I was in prison, I heard two Satanists moved in here. I'm gonna beat the shit out of them." he explained. The cave was dark and creepy looking; perfect for a group of Satanists. As we rounded the last bend of the cave, sure enough, there stood two scrawny looking Satanists. One was an Imperial, while the other was a Wood Elf, so I took the Wood Elf, being the weaker of our duo. Journdr tackled the Imperial to the ground and started grinding his bones to smitherines with his inhuman, Nord strength. The Wood Elf caught me off guard with an uppercut and I felt blood pouring from my face as I stood up to fight the small woman. _Holy shit this is embarrassing,_ I thought to myself as the four foot tall woman began beating the fuck out of me. I soon became desperate, so I grabbed the poor woman's head and forced it thought a stalagmite, impaling her on the outcrop of rock. I looked to see how Journdr was doing and saw him standing over a pile of bone dust with no blood, skin, or muscle in sight. "That was the easiest fight I've ever been in," he said, while licking the blood from his lips.

"Heh, yeah..." I agreed.

"What are you talking about, I watched you get the fuck beat out of you by a woman half your size. The only reason you won was because of that lucky stalagmite," Journdr called me out.

"What are you talking about? I was just playing with her. I could have won that fight if I wanted to." I lied.

"Then why is your face all manged up with bones sticking out, and blood pouring from at least 4 visible fatal wounds on your body?" he asked with a sly grin. It's true: I was in pretty bad shape. I looked around the cave for anything that could help me stay alive and found a small barrel full of health potions. I took 3 of them out, and pounded them down. By the time my wounds had healed, it was close to 1 a.m., so Journdr and I got into bed.

I woke up not much later, with a raging boner bursting through my leather chaps. I hadn't had sex since that crazy day that I killed Ongar. Needing to realieve myself, and not wanting to wake Journdr, I found a soggy looking bread loaf and stuck my scaly shaft right in without realizing that it had a sign on the front that said, "PROPERTY OF JOURNDR! DO NOT TOUCH!" I made love to this soggy loaf for another hour before I heard the sound of Journdr stiring in the bed behind me. Releasing my load into the pastry, I pulled up my chaps and went back to bed for another hour or two of rest. I awoke to Journdr fighting someone near the entrance to the cave. I grabbed my dagger and sprinted through the cave and saw one of the most impressive and attractive things I had ever seen a man do. Journdr had an Imperial guard bent over, ass naked, getting buttfucked by the Nord himself, while fighting and beating three more guards with just a dagger. In the corner of the room lay a small pile of guard corpses. Having came at this sight, I waddled over the Journdr, trying to avoid the pool of Argonian seed in my trousers, and asked, "What's happening? Where did all these guards come from?" He finished off the other three guards with a powerful sweep of his rusty dagger and finished in the dead guards ass, then turned to me.

"I don't know and I don't care, these guards are almost as weak as you!" he said. I knew there was no way they were that weak, so I took it as a compliment and asked where we were heading next. "First, why don't we open my bag of treasure?" asked Journdr, grinning. So he pulled out the bag and poured it on the table near our bed, to reaveal a box of large condums, a small bag of opium, a flask of chloroform, a crack rock, and a strange Dwemer-looking machine part that looked like it belonged in a complex machine of some sort.

"What's that?" I asked pointing to the metal part.

"Watch." he replied, pulling out his iron dildo, and clipping it on the side. The metal penis began vibrating violently and oozing white cream from the tip.

"Cool..." I whispered in awe. "Where should we head from here?"

"Were heading to Kvatch."

**To Be Continued**

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my first reviewer, skyrimmerxx. Thanks for reviewing, you fucking nerd.


End file.
